I’m both touched and unsurprised by the feedback I’ve received from you, fellow truth seeker. You, the people, have reached out to me through the metaphorical grapevine, to share your own personal experiences with the Creature of College Woods. I must say that I’m flattered that you would rightfully trust me with your stories. However, I must say that the number of suspect or unverifiable tales has proved worthless to me.
Even though I am a mere amateur, I am supremely confident in my ability to ferret out nuggets of truth from even the farthest-fetched stories. Here is what I’ve been able to glean from all of my correspondences:
The creature is between 6 and 7 feet tall
The creature has dark brown fur and is most active at night
I have received enough matching descriptions from witnesses to warrant a full study
I sallied forth equipped with these findings, which despite the simplistic derivation, fills an entire manila folder in my library of the unexplained. Then I took this creature catalogue with me to whom I assumed were the foremost experts on the subject of zoology at the university. To my chagrin – but not to my shock – these academics are more interested in their own banal investigations to give my project a second look. Uncomfortable with the hard reality of a major discovery right under their very noses, they rejected my finding’s whole cloth. My illuminating portfolio was called “ridiculous,” “completely false,” and by one particularly crass individual, “the weirdest, and by far the dumbest, thing that has ever darkened the door of my office.”
My mother always told me that when people behave in this fashion, they are merely jealous. If my gut feeling is correct – and it usually is – the Crass Professor is going to be starting his own query into my creature once he gets his sticky fingers on another grant. With those kinds of resources going up against me, I know that I need to use the only two advantages that I have: grit and my three-month head start.
After these meetings with the so-called experts, I experienced a series of dead ends in my follow-ups with other eye witnesses. Desperate, I contacted the witness that started it all.
She answered the phone with a simple yet confused “Hello?”
I explained my predicament, and how I needed a trusted fellow truther to accompany me on this important mission.
“I’m not sure if I’m up for going back out into the woods at night,” she explained. “Why do you need to go now and not when it warms up in the spring?”
I had to stifle a laugh at this silly question. Not only am I facing competition from the Crass Professor, but the definitive tracks in the snow will make it easy to tell where our creature is living and where he might be going. I further explained that our quarry may have moved on for the winter months to another locale. It turns out that I overestimated her.
For those folks out there who are uninitiated in the finer points of Sasquatch hunting, it is never a good idea to only head out with two people. After all, a Sasquatch is a powerful primate, and with only two people, it would be difficult to scare one off. So in addition to myself and the eye witness that kicked off my investigation in earnest, I brought along two people who I trust with my life. While the sensitive nature of my work prevents me from revealing their true identities, I will call them Ben and Bob. Friends of mine for a long time, they have assisted me with my sojourns of curiosity in the past. And the Swamp Beast run in we had back in ‘17 cemented our places in the cryptozoology community. While my companions’ lack of deduction skills have not led them to believe that the beast of the Hockomock Swamp was stalking us that October afternoon, rest assured that the fact has not alluded me.'
Armed with only the burning desire for the truth, our guile and some hearty snacks, we readied ourselves to pass the night in College Woods. As this correspondence, dear editor, has been sent out before our mission, I will relate to you the events of our search in another installment. I will be sure to contact you once I triumphantly exit the woods with undeniable truth of what lives between the trees.