You hate to admit it, but you and your roommates just bought a bottle of rosé and a cheese platter for Monday night's “The Bachelor” episode. You are way too hype.
“The most shocking season of the Bachelor starts now,” says Chris Harrison, the host. He says that every. Single. Season. They probably use the same recording. You are THERE for it.
Colton, the Bachelor, hits the hometowns this week with the four girls left in this bizarre, romantic competition. He does the same thing over and over: greets the parents, gives the mom some flowers, awkwardly talks to her and then asks the dad for his daughter's hand in marriage. He literally asks four dads for
their daughters hand in marriage, and somehow the dads almost always each say yes.
My roomates and I scream at the screen asking why the dad is saying yes after meeting him just once, but then proceed to scream at the dads who say no. “YOU ARE RUINING YOUR DAUGHTERS CHANCE!” We really don’t take sides… We all want Colton for ourselves.
The show drags on, leaving us on a cliffhanger with every commercial break. The short time bought by the commercials allows us to spill our thoughts and talk over one another trying to get a word in. Everyone wants to know one thing: for weeks they’ve been teasing us that Colton will become so distraught that he literally runs off and hops a fence to get away. So: will he hop the damn fence this week?? Spoiler alert: he doesn’t hop the fence. For the fifth week in a row.
How has Chris Harrison dragged me along this entire season and left Colton hopping the fence to somewhere within the last few episodes? Honestly, good work, Chris. Touché.
As the episode comes to a close we hear “Next week” *dramatic pause* “...on the Bachelor.” And then a million previews and spoilers of the next episode make it out to be something that it probably won't be, but hey who cares, we all know we will be sitting in the same place at the same time next week. We all scream, “CASSIE'S GONNA WIN,” or “NO SHE'S NOT” and then everyone has that one friend “I looked up the spoilers so…” You beg them to keep their mouth shut, but you know you’ll find out soon enough.
We talk to people on the campus connector the next morning about what happened, it seems like everyone watches the show. We all know its ridiculous yet every Monday we’re pulled back. It’s like someone you hate tripping and falling...you kinda sorta love to see it.
Like the other shameful acts of life: a drunk cig, skipping class, juuling, junk food, being absolutely consumed and addicted to social media, having five cups of coffee a day--you don't want to admit it, but you love it. They are the guilty pleasures that life gives us.